sorry to rain on your halloween parade

but i don’t do halloween. i mean i’m just not into the whole thing. first, there’s the whole history of the holiday (which you can find here), and then all the spooky crap that comes with.

i don’t do spooky crap.

i don’t like being frightened so i refuse to watch scary movies and i don’t even like commercials for scary movies. i usually turn my head, cover my eyes or switch the channel. sometimes all three.

my husband has called me a punk on more than one occasion for closing my eyes when a “buffy the vampire slayer” commercial came on, but so what.

i didn’t always feel this way about halloween because well…what kid is going to turn up an opportunity to go around the neighborhood with all her friends, dressed in a cute costume, yelling trick or treat at the neighbors and getting free candy in return?

please, i was wonder woman for three years straight! honey, i thought i WAS wonder woman, okay? i even had a complete clown costume once, but even when i was a kid trick or treating wasn’t safe. our parents repeatedly told us to only go to the homes of people we knew because there were all kinds of weird folk out poisoning candy and giving kids apples with razor blades. i remember going through our candy with a fine tooth comb while trying to figure out what looked suspicious and tainted.

but hey, what can you expect from a holiday that celebrates everything evil? you’ve got people walking around like mummies and half-dead characters with fake blood pouring from their mouths. homes are decorated with witches and spider webs and jack-o-lanterns (which by the way came about from an old story about a man named stingy jack and the devil, did you know that?).

i mean really, what’s the point of all of this?

i popped into the mall the other day with a girlfriend and they were having a trick or treat fest. oh, there were a zillion kids there dressed to the nines in their little costumes. there were a bunch of dora the explorers and animals and clowns, but why-oh-why did this couple have their newborn baby dressed as the devil? i just don’t get it. the freakin’ devil, people?? if you’re gonna do halloween why dress your precious little baby as the most evil, despicable, horrible person EVER??

okay, well, maybe some people don’t believe in the devil or whatever, but i do and i think it’s insane to walk your newborn around the mall donning HORNS. okay, but that’s just me.

i also don’t think it’s necessary to have to take my child to the mall just to walk around and get candy from strange salespeople. why get candy from neighbors when my husband keeps our house well stocked in all things junk food? so trust, my son isn’t missing out.

but one thing i will be doing is watching “it’s a great pumpkin, charlie brown” ’cause c’mon…it’s a daggone CLASSIC! and who can refuse charlie brown?


4 thoughts on “sorry to rain on your halloween parade

  1. same here, i don’t do Halloween. and i don’t do scary movies (except Psycho). yesterday someone asked me what i was dressing my daughter as for Halloween tomorrow. i replied, “oh yeah, Halloween is tomorrow.” i pretty much forget every holiday. they’re just not a big deal for me.

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  2. I couldn’t agree more. I don’t understand what is so funny about satanic things? My boss dressed up as a junkie. There are so many people’s lives who have been ruined by drugs but for one day this year it is supposed to be funny. I’m not laughing.

  3. I love Halloween but purely for the commercial aspects of it – ya know the candy and whatnot. I stopped trick or treating around the age of 10 and from then on out BOUGHT my own candy if I wanted some. Also, Halloween is the “beginning” of all the fun family holidays like Thanksgiving (2 days off) and Christmas (a couple more days off). Plus, it’s usually cool enough to wear jeans, boots, and comfy sweaters. The satanic/pagan stuff doesn’t even register with me for Halloween.

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