i don’t do santa claus.
as a child i believed he existed for a few years, but by the time i turned about 5 i knew that he couldn’t come down my chimney to bring loads of gifts because we didn’t have a chimney. we lived in a high-rise apartment building. so was santa landing on the building, coming to my apartment by way of the elevator and then coming through the front door? and honey, clearly there was no way he was fitting his reindeer and sleigh on our balcony.
something was smelling mighty fishy about this santa claus.
then around the same time i started questioning these things in my mind my pop just flat out told me: there’s no such thing as santa claus. what was more important was to understand the real reason of celebrating Christmas, you know, the birth of Jesus Christ. something folks tend to forget about, but that’s another story.
i’m glad my pop had that talk with me because it actually cleared up a lot of confusion that i had about the santa dude anyway. i had always wondered how he fit into the whole baby Jesus story. was santa one of the wise men who brought baby Jesus gifts? the talk straightened all that out.
was i traumatized when my pop told me that santa didn’t really exist? no. i knew the toys would keep coming so it didn’t really matter who brought them. and you know, to a little girl that’s pretty much all that mattered. my pop even came up with a nickname for santa-the fat fake. isn’t that hilarious? my pop’s hilarious. okay, you might not think that’s hilarious, but i do.
i’ve told numerous people about the talk about santa my pop had with me as a child and their response is generally always along the lines of “oh, you’re father is mean…” or “what a grinch.” oh okay, my pop’s a mean grinch because he refused to lie to me. okay, i get it.
as much as i don’t give in to the whole santa thing, i think the new idea of banning santa from saying “ho ho ho” and having him say “ha ha ha” instead is just insane. in case you haven’t heard, a recruitment firm called westaff in australia supplies santas to malls and various places across the country and has recently told its santa trainees not to say “ho ho ho.” why? because “ho” is the slang term in the u.s. for prostitute. yeah, it’s ridiculous, but at the same time it is pretty funny… ha ha ha!!
okay, you’re probably not laughing at this point because you love santa, and that’s cool. but tell me the cartoon below isn’t funny…