why i don’t do santa claus

i don’t do santa claus.

as a child i believed he existed for a few years, but by the time i turned about 5 i knew that he couldn’t come down my chimney to bring loads of gifts because we didn’t have a chimney. we lived in a high-rise apartment building. so was santa landing on the building, coming to my apartment by way of the elevator and then coming through the front door? and honey, clearly there was no way he was fitting his reindeer and sleigh on our balcony.

something was smelling mighty fishy about this santa claus.

then around the same time i started questioning these things in my mind my pop just flat out told me: there’s no such thing as santa claus. what was more important was to understand the real reason of celebrating Christmas, you know, the birth of Jesus Christ. something folks tend to forget about, but that’s another story.

i’m glad my pop had that talk with me because it actually cleared up a lot of confusion that i had about the santa dude anyway. i had always wondered how he fit into the whole baby Jesus story. was santa one of the wise men who brought baby Jesus gifts? the talk straightened all that out.

was i traumatized when my pop told me that santa didn’t really exist? no. i knew the toys would keep coming so it didn’t really matter who brought them. and you know, to a little girl that’s pretty much all that mattered. my pop even came up with a nickname for santa-the fat fake. isn’t that hilarious? my pop’s hilarious. okay, you might not think that’s hilarious, but i do.

i’ve told numerous people about the talk about santa my pop had with me as a child and their response is generally always along the lines of “oh, you’re father is mean…” or “what a grinch.” oh okay, my pop’s a mean grinch because he refused to lie to me. okay, i get it.

as much as i don’t give in to the whole santa thing, i think the new idea of banning santa from saying “ho ho ho” and having him say “ha ha ha” instead is just insane. in case you haven’t heard, a recruitment firm called westaff in australia supplies santas to malls and various places across the country and has recently told its santa trainees not to say “ho ho ho.” why? because “ho” is the slang term in the u.s. for prostitute. yeah, it’s ridiculous, but at the same time it is pretty funny… ha ha ha!!

okay, you’re probably not laughing at this point because you love santa, and that’s cool. but tell me the cartoon below isn’t funny…



8 thoughts on “why i don’t do santa claus

  1. I heard about this as well and thought, “hopefully we don’t end up doing this in the U.S.” For Pete’s Sake, I wouldn’t mind if Santa called me a ho (three times really fast)… so long as he still sends presents.

  2. He’s magical. That’s how he does all those tricks.

    I definitely feel weird about telling such lies to my kids, but I love love love that they believe in magic and when my 4 year old asks how Santa does this or how Santa does that, i just have to say, “He’s magic.”

    And he accepts it. End of discussion.

  3. the cartoon below IS hilarious, the very idea IS stupid and we don’t tell our daughter there is a Santa. we were clear very early on. We don’t want her growing up with this subtle thought “if they lied about the santa I can’t really see, are they lying about the God I can’t really see too?”

  4. My parents were straight with me too and I didn’t have to go through the disappointment of wondering why my parents lied to me. Most of the kids at school were furious especially because they found out the truth from other kids. I often wonder what excuses parents come up with to explain that it’s all a hoax. Why build up all that excitement and anticipation only to make the child deal with the bitter disappointment of reality? I’m sure kids would be just fine, not to mention happy, knowing the truth from the get go.

  5. Okay, here is the deal. The vast majority of children who believe in Santa Claus is more than likely ages 1-8 even pushing all the way to 12. How many children know that “ho” is also slang for prostitute? And if they do, I shame on the parents for ither teaching them, or leting them hang around the wrong crowds. Not to mention, a little thing called “Free Speach”? A little thing called the Bill of Rights??? Oh, ya, thats right, FREEDOM! Our rights as americans are being taken away, slowly… Give me a break, the term comes around once a year, and its mainly ment for children, and I do say this with all respect, but if there are women out there who are offended by this, GET A LIFE! And quit picken on little children, because basically thats what your doing. Santa has been around alot longer than any living, exsisting person on this planet, if children where affraid of “HO HO HO…” Don’t you think it would have been changed? Its not the words that frighten children, its the Fat Guy in the suit, that the child dosen’t recognize, and can’t understand why mommy and daddy are letting him hold the child! Geeze people, get a grip, as they get older, they aren’t affraid. Where you affraid of HO HO HO when you where a kid??? Just leave our children of the world’s fun alone! Why does there have to be some human rights activist out there to spoil everything? I total believe in human rights, but use it for a right cause, don’t let American culture ruin it for everyone else…

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