let me just preface this post by asking, can you believe that concrete man stood me up for my interview? it’s not even like i submitted my resume to work for said concrete man. he was a friend of a friend who needed some assistance in his ol’ raggedy office ’cause some lady who’s been there a kazillion years has decided to up and leave. yep, stood.me.up.
where they do that at?
but onward and forward, honey, ’cause ain’t nobody got time for that. (shout out to sweet brown. i use that phrase quite often now.)
but i digress… what i’m really here to talk about is how i almost got got, son!
see, i was on the phone with my brother carl who’s not really my brother like for real, for real but i’m an only child i like to have pretend siblings and since he was willing to go along with it i’ve been calling him my brother for 10 years or so now. so anyway, i was talking to carl when i got this text message from an unknown number.
let me first explain why i was excited when i saw this so you won’t just assume i’m the most green ullible, gullible person in the dmv. (that’s dc/maryland/virginia for all you non-local folks. not the department of motor vehicles. i’m all about keepin’ y’all hip here.) see, one day recently i was going through the receipts in my wallet and since, you know, i’ve got all this free time on my hands i said to myself, “niki, you need to just go ahead and get online and fill out all those wacky surveys they’re always pushing in stores to see if you can win yourself a lil’ something, something. i mean, you got like 10 receipts, surely you’ll win something!” and that’s just what i did.
so see, there for a second i really, really thought i won a thousand freakin’ dollar target gift card, you know, until carl said, “ummmmm…well, i don’t know…” and that’s when reality set in.
i noticed that there was a typo in the text msg and since when does the retail giant tah-jay send out a typo? “last months” instead of “last month’s”? uh-huh…see, i caught that with my ol’ editorial eye and i smelled something mighty fishy.
but let me just say, first of all, those scammer folks shouldn’t even be playing with the jobless like that. i mean, it’s so daggone unfair.
evil, even. i’ll even go as far to say that the devil himself is maneuvering the steering wheels of their lives.
here i am imagining all the toilet paper i can buy and detergent and coconut oil ’cause that ish is expensive. oh, and birthday gifts for my son and hey, Christmas is right around the corner!! and we could really use a new comforter. maybe a new lamp and a few new plates.
child, my mind was just going there with the possibilities! i mean, having a straight up field day. my thought cloud had an image of me pushing the cart saying, “i’ll take that and that and that and one in blue, please. oh, and orange too ’cause i could really use that in orange,” and then my thought cloud had a scene of me wearing brightly patterned clothing running with the cart down the aisles and twirling and leaping around in song with well-choreographed back up dancers singing and dancing along with me…she’s got a thousand dollarssssss!!!!”
yeah, i’m very visual.
and then that thought cloud just popped like a bubble hitting the hot, summer pavement. all splat and wet yet ready to dry up like it never existed.